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Final Fantasy 7 - Written on Her Back - Ch. 5

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Chapter Five

Paradise Comes at a Price that I am not Prepared to Pay

Summary: Helena is desperately trying to piece together a life she never had with the help of her estranged sister, Kathelyn. After escaping from a Shin Ra facility, Helena and Kathelyn must employ the aid of an unlikely unemployed bodyguard, Jofrey. Little do they know that one of Helena's most guarded secrets will come to haunt her and something far worse than Shin Ra will threaten her last chance.

"Those who promise us paradise on earth never produced anything but a hell."

-Karl Popper

We rode the cable car over to Gold Saucer after I had washed my face clean of the sweat that gathered from the night before. We were anxious to get into Gold Saucer and its promise of security; some more so than others. I failed to see its allure. It was a place like any other and I felt like we were risking ourselves yet again. But the view of Gold Saucer from the car was nonetheless enchanting. It was my first time at the famed Gold Saucer, it became infamous mostly from Kathe's stories as a child. As soon as we sat down, she went on a ramble of how she wanted to go on every ride, like she did as a child with her father and even wanted to try her hand at the Battle Square. This threw Jofrey into a frenzy of his own, his eyes glimmering with the prospect of easy cash. I sat back, studying the two children as they fed off each other, until I noticed fireworks in the distance. The boom had attracted my eyes to the window, despite my incredible fear of the heights; the fireworks were the things that kept me grounded in the moment. This moment out of all possible moments.

"Beautiful, right?" Jofrey whispered, leaning in from his seat across me, looking out to the firework display.

"Mmph," I grumbled in agreement. We locked gazes for a moment. It was peaceful looking at his big brown eyes. How natural they seemed. They accepted things in life -more than what needed to be accepted. He was kind, though people thought of him as a goof, a flake and a loser. But I saw a man that triumphed, something I felt I never saw before. Someone willing to fight despite the fact that he ought not to. And this frightened me.

I moved away from Jofrey as Kathe leaned in. Uncertain of herself, she spoke in a whisper, "I hope you'll come with me. Maybe play a game or two."

I turned over to face her. She was absorbed in how I beheld her gift, the chance at forming memories over those I wanted to leave behind. After some time of being silent again, she continued, "I know I missed a lot of your life. I don't want to waste more of it by talking about the past and I know you don't want to drain yourself by dredging up old wounds. But having you here now has made me realize I have no memories of you."

A sudden wave of emotion washed over me. Anger, pain, sadness and… fear… confused into a singularity and welled itself inside me but not a sound was emitted. Jofrey looked over and smiled. I took my free hand and brushed him away. Kathe tightened her grasp on the other hand.

I couldn't hide the pain it caused me to lose the only person in my life. My mother was now long dead. My father had left one night, like every night before, but was not found passed out in his bed the morning after. When I came home from school one day, Kathe too had left. The first time I saw her in over seventeen years and she was a mess with a disheveled bun and a breathlessness that proved to me that she hadn't change over those many years. I so wanted her to be different, someone who had weathered over the years, someone I could place trust in. But she became someone who would have come when I asked her to; she was there, unchanged and still my sister.

"They'll be plenty of time to make memories," I promised. I felt horrible as each word slipped out, unguarded.

We looked at each other for what seemed an eternity. I wondered, did she have anything more she wanted to say to me? Did she want to apologize? Did she regret what she did? Did she think of me at all over those twenty-odd years, while she lived her life in comfort and I was left at Shin Ra HQ to fend for myself? I felt like asking myself these questions got me nowhere. I seemed to be the only reeling about, scrambling to find a reason, an answer. Now we were here, miles away from our respective homes and we needed each other. We needed to let go of some things; things that did not belong in an adult conversation. She had good intensions, I reminded myself. She did grab my hand, looked me in the eyes and took me away from Midgar without a care in mind. We were here now. And it was simply thanks to her willingness to abandon her guilty conscience and her will to start anew.

I had to give her credit, she did take me where she promised to take me: far away from Midgar. She kept me safe, she kept me sound. And she promised never to bring up the past. She even tried to catch up on my life and we shared in our awkwardness. She wanted badly to be forgiven. I knew that but something nagged at me to hold onto my bitterness for fear of what would happen without its comforting hold. I had to let go for my sake, I couldn't possibly survive with its poison in my veins. And she seemed so burdened by my bitterness.

The Gondola stopped, shaking the contents inside. We left our moment in the past, brushed off the emotion and stepped out into the cavalcade of music and lights. We decided that it was best to get a room and leave our stuff to move onto more exciting things. Which was just what we did when we arrived, after paying our expensive tickets – another expense to add to the budget. Surprisingly enough the sight of the bed did not make me want to embrace its warmth. I had a well laid out plan to avoid beds for the next eternity. Jofrey was increasingly getting antsy about the Battle Square arena and pushed us out of the hotel. The prospect of extra cash he desperately needed, because, and I quote: "this trip is getting too fucking expensive." It was nice to think he thought of our excursion as a trip.

We walked out of the hotel and down to the Battle Arena. Both Kathe and I were trailing behind. I grew anxious as she got closer and closer to me, and as Jofrey went further and further away. He seemed to be in his own little bubble, and Kathe and I in ours.

"Are you alright?" She asked.

"Oh. Me? Yeah."

She nodded pensively. "Didn't mean to say anything out of line. I just feel like if I need to say something I should, you know?"

"I'm not stopping you."

"Okay," she affirmed. "I just want to make sure that I'm not stepping on toes either."

"Listen Kathe," I levelled with her, "there's a lot to be answered for but if you feel like you can do that by saying your piece, then by all means, do it."

She looked at me like I kicked her cat. I honestly didn't understand where I went wrong. I tried to mull it over but nothing panned out. She smacked her lips and moved on, not wanting to press the matter any further. I thought it was for the best. Perhaps until I figured out what just happened.

Jofrey huffed impatiently as we met him at the top of the stairs. "I'm waiting, ladies. They're taking sign-ups right now." He looked over to Kathe, "I think you should sign up."

"Really?" Kathe gasped.

"Yeah, you'll do great," he reassured. "Better chances of the team winning that way," he laughed.

They both registered as the girl at the front desk explained that it was one-at-a-time and that they would be called by name. The battles would begin later on that afternoon. Suddenly, I was anxious. I thought that Jofrey would be there to support her. She wasn't a seasoned fighter. I didn't want to alarm her or throw off her game. There was a greater chance now I would have to tend her wounds well into the morning. But she seemed so confident and bubbly. Jofrey seemed impressed with her so far. So, all in all, I said nothing to no one.

"Well," she poked at Jofrey, "what should we do in the meantime?"

It was childish and seemed out of place, but she seemed to joyfully take in the sights, wondering if she could really spend so much as a whole week. I was going to entertain the notion until they mentioned a roller-coaster. Distraught, I shook my head all the way, looking at the death trap up and down. I smelt something that I assumed was death. Jofrey joined in her excitement, he had heard the rumours of its intense speed and that you had to shoot at full three-dimensional holograms. I did not share in the excitement. I was petrified of heights. There was absolutely no way they were getting me into something that went that high and only offered a metal bar as protection.

"Oh, c'mon Helena!" Kathe pushed. She never understood how I could be so cautious.

"Ah don't be so hard on her. My sister was pretty much the same about heights. Couldn't even stand on a chair," Jofrey added in defense.

This piqued my interest. We never really asked Jofrey about a family or his history as he never offered. But we supposed that he was exchanging small tidbits for large quantities of information on our end. We hardly had the chance to press further as the line moved up. There was a third seat to be filled and thankfully a young woman, whose friend did not want to join her on the ride, accepted to take the mandatory third seat.

I was left alone, watching the ride go into the tunnel without me. I could see the two biggest children I knew have their mutual giggle fest until they disappeared into the dark recess. I could feel my palms sweat as potential situations arose in my head. I never did enjoy heights, even as a child. But as I grew up, they seemed like a viable solution to a constantly arising problem. I had a small apartment up on the twenty-second floor for many years; the perfect height it seemed. When it was late at night and that thought, like a poisonous fog rolling in, would dull any sensible thought I found myself precariously leaning over the edge. It was foolish. I was foolish. And so I never told anyone. But I needed to find a solution: a rubber band around my wrist, so I could pluck away as the thoughts would creep in. Classical conditioning. I stood on the ledge, rubber band being plucked against my bruised wrist, until I became still inside and came off the ledge. It was lonely standing there, night after night.

And it was lonely standing next to a group of people, each individual group concerned with the flashing lights around them. I found myself looking more at them than at my own surroundings; I couldn't enjoy where I was: this little reprieve. Nor could I enjoy the company that Jofrey and Kathe offered as they jostled around to the Battle Arena. Kathe threw a lighthearted punch by Jofrey and Jofrey took it to his arm, making a comment about how poorly she fought. They laughed. I laughed. But in reality, I only laughed because I thought I had to. I couldn't understand how they could enjoy themselves while Shin Ra was bearing down us like a three ton brick, squeezing down as we scurried, trying to avoid their overreaching grasp. And now that Hojo was on the loose, there wasn't a night I could see in the near future that I would spend without an eye open.

We arrived to the Battle Arena. How? I wasn't quite certain. The woman at the counter welcomed us and offered for either to go in. Jofrey decided to go first. We joined him in the arena, in the safety of a balcony surrounding the arena floor. The air was thick with sweat and smoke from the previous fighters. We stood amongst a small crowd and watched intently as the first few beasts that stood in his way went embarrassingly easy. I screamed from the spectator booths that it could be a trick to lull fighters into a sense of false security.

Kathe laughed, "he can handle it."

Jofrey raised his short sword for another round, knowing full well he was going to be pitted against harder and tougher monsters. They did come, harder and tougher. Some were swarms of monsters that would throw Jofrey around the battle ring and make him lose his focus. The shouting from the crowd did not help matters but somehow, he managed to slay them, one by one. Excitedly, the crowd cheered for his success but we cheered loudest. Even Kathe seemed red in the face with the forceful screams she was emitting.

Jofrey got to the last beast, his chest heavy, his fast plastered with sweat and his cropped hair sprinkled with blood. The cheers of the spectators settled as the great and fabled owner, Dio, walked on a podium amongst the spectators. They went literally nuts even before he uttered a word, but they knew it had to be good. Jofrey's ear perked up and so did ours, as Dio announced the coming of a new beast. The Behemoth. One from his prized and personal collections. A beast that has been entered into a hundred fights but none has slayed him. Would Jofrey be the one? We awaited, our fingers interlocked, as the beast stalked its way out of its cage. It roared and the crowd's silence erupted in a fervency, arms being thrown about, and shouts of various profanities heard from even the daintiest of women.

"I can't look!" I told Kathe, hiding my eyes as the Behemoth approached Jofrey.

Kathe hungrily took in the fight that was about to begin. "You're going to miss a good one, Helena," she insisted, a twinkle in her eye could be seen from in between my fingers.

The Behemoth howled in pain and I shot up. Jofrey hit him! Fresh blood strewn on the battle ring's brick floor. Kathe threw her hands in the air in victory, crying out profanities along with the other people. I watched as Jofrey shifted around the ring, his sword out, between the beast and the man. He was tired and the crowd knew it. He could run into the corner and call it quits, but that wasn't Jofrey. The Behemoth lunged with a paw, swiping him clear across the ring. A sudden hush went over the crowd. Kathe leaned over the railing, screaming a string of encouragements. I just hoped he would call it off and walk away while he still could.

But no, he stood up and the crowd threw their arms up in support. He twirled his short sword and then pointed it in our direction, as if to say, this swing was for us… for Kathe's encouragement. And with that act of bravado, he sliced at the beast's face, causing it to stagger backwards, exposing its neck. Jofrey saw his chance, and he stuck the blade into the furry neck, a spray of blood over his face. He lost his blade, he was defenseless. The Behemoth lunged forwarded, I screamed in fear but it laid forward, dead.

The crowd applauded and bawled with glory. He won. He was presented his money and gifts by Dio and three lovely ladies, and was ushered out of the stadium. We met him in the lounge. He was disgusting but this didn't stop Kathe from picking him up, keeping him from smashing into the side of the wall.

"Best gift," he snickered, which was followed by Kathe punching him in the side. This made him double in pain.

"It's clear you need some medical attention," I said.

"Nonsense," Kathe dismissed, "it's more the Behemoth's blood than Jofrey's." She swiped at his face with the back of her hand, removing a big clot of blood.

"Fine," I shrugged, watching as Kathe seemed to groom Jofrey. I wasn't going to lie, it agitated me to see her so close to him.

"See," she pointed to his face, "he looks better already."

He smiled genuinely in response. "Are you hitting on me?"

"Oh fuck off," she scolded, tossing him back into the wall.

He laughed, trying to stand on his own two feet. He was unsteady but managed. It was nothing short of a miracle, to be honest. I never would have assumed that he would have bested a Behemoth. I felt like I finally did something right, for a change, in hiring him and I felt as though I should gloat to Kathe when I had the chance.

"You know, I'm impressed," I peeped, but nothing seemed to get through the chatter. They were talking about my sister's strategy and every so often he would give her a boost of confidence. 

A ringing in my ears... I knew I was having enough of this. "I'm just exhausted," I called out.

"What?" Kathe barked. "And what about my turn? I need someone to cheer me on."

"You have Jofrey, don't you?" I mumbled. "I just need to lay down. I can't be running around like the rest of you."

She was about to protest but the front desk called her name. Jofrey pushed her forward but not before shaking his head in disappointment. Well he had no right. Nor did he have any real idea of what was going on. I felt like I needed to explain myself but it was already too late. The damage was done. So, I turned on my heel, walking back to the tubes. I thought it was best if I rested anyway. It was clear that if I couldn't enjoy myself in the happiest place on Gaia I may as well just crawl into the safety of a blanket cocoon and pray that this was all just a bad dream.

I walked up to the hotel; lights again flashing in my face, when I heard a familiar voice. "Helena?" I said nothing, half refusing to turn around for fear of what would be hiding behind me. "C'mon, it's Reno! And Rude's here too. Can't believe it's been five years, yo."

I kept walking down the quiet lounge until he leaned in to grab my arm. It startled me enough for me to scream out in a panic, trashing my arm around. I had half a brain to exclaim that I had no idea what he wanted with me, which caused the clerk at the front desk to rise up in disgust.

"Get off her, you perv!" He cried out before reaching down to his telephone to call security. I raised my arm up, shaking my head nervously as I tried to make my getaway as incident-free as possible.

Reno unlatched his hand from my arm before turning to Rude. Reno looked quizzically to Rude who returned the look with a blanked stare. "No need to freak out, Helena."

"How did you…?"

"It'll take more than a haircut and some contacts to fool me. I've seen it all."

I snapped my tongue in dismay. "What the hell do you want, then? Gonna take me in?"

"What?" He was candid in his reaction; mostly disgusted. "I don't do Hojo's dirty laundry. Anyway, Hojo's not working for Shin Ra anymore. But I'm sure Reeve already told you that."

"Don't even trust your own Board Members anymore that you have to follow them around?"

"Ever since the president was killed, we keep a watchful eye on our employees. Considering what happens every time we forget to put them back on their leash."

"You mean Hojo."

"I mean Sephiroth," he smiled, "and the other higher ranking SOLDIERs who couldn't handle it."

I shivered. There was something awfully distasteful in the way he mentioned Genesis and Angeal, like he was desecrating their very existence. He was a TURK, a man who had seen and done things that you simply wouldn't discuss at a dinner table; but that meant that they were a certain breed of loyal that you couldn't possibly fathom. I felt like, no matter how Angeal tried and no matter how Angeal would scorn the TURKs, they would be head and shoulders above him in loyalty.

"So, what do you want, Reno? You don't want to take me back but here you are." I had to trust them to some sort of a degree. The TURKs had a special kind of distain for the freak scientist, his workings and what that meant for them. And if they could help it, they would refuse to do it. I had seen it done before. I hoped that Reno and I went back long enough that I could tell when he was lying. But what was most telling was the look in Rude's face. He was a stone cold man but he would always look over to the side when something was amiss.

"Well I thought I could give you a present, you know. Some information about your favorite General."

I scoffed. "Reeve told me about your little ghost story. How do you think that interests me in the slightest?"

He smiled. "You were calling him when they were taking you to the hospital. Granted, you were fucked up. But I have a feeling you wouldn't call our Rude here."

I blushed instinctively. "There's no way on this green Gaia that I would do that."

"It's true," Rude confirmed, adjusting his glasses.

"Whatever." I shrugged.

"Do you want to hear it or not?" Reno rebuffed. "Okay. You need to trust me when I say that Sephiroth is still alive."

"Stop Reno."

"Believe me or not, it's true. I know why you wouldn't believe me. But it'll be your loss. That man killed Shinra and he's moving around Gaia like some sort of—."

"Ghost," I interjected.

"Yeah. He was last seen heading to the Temple of the Ancients."

"Why?" I had heard of the Temple. It was a historian's dream. I had many of Gast's papers on the subject. Apparently it was massive but it didn't allow entry to those who sought it. "He can't even get in. Not without the Keystone."

"Some fuckers have been following him with the Keystone. The owner, Dio, had it."

"You're joking me. What the hell does he want to do in the Temple? I doubt he's there to excavate the site."

"Here," Reno handed me a thick file, "I suggest you read it. It'll get you in the loop."

I took the file bound with a thick red band, keeping the papers from tumbling out. "Why are you doing this?"

"Consider this repaying a debt. I know what Hojo did to you and I regret what I did."

I looked to Rude, who looked me up and down with his trademark glare. "Sorry," I apologized half-heartedly. He shouldn't have had approached me so closely with a razor blade in my hands. He nodded solemnly in response. "So then, that's that?"

Reno shrugged his shoulders, his disheveled appearance looking all the more disheveled. "I recommend that you stay out of our way. If you stay out of ours, we'll stay out of yours."

"Huh," I snickered, "never thought I would on the receiving end of some TURK charity."

"And if you ever do meet up with our dear General, don't hang around to see what he has to say. That man… he's not who you think he is." He threw his arm up to Rude's chest, tapping it lightly. Rude understood and they both walked down the lobby to the front door. Neither of them turned back.

I looked to the file. Its lofty size foretold a long night of reading. I felt it was inappropriate to take such a gift, especially considering who gifted it to me. But I was ready to finally get answers. Something had been plaguing me since Costa del Sol and it was silently nagging at the very periphery of my mind. There was a deep seated hope that I was not alone by choice but rather that they were all dead, and I was simply left aside as a consequence of their deaths. However, Reeve wouldn't lie to me. There was a very real possibility that he was a man gone mad and that I needed to acquaint myself with this new reality. I feared that would be the case. And so I didn't want to open the file.

I walked up to our room. I opened one single light as if trying to peer at the file's cover in secrecy. I plopped myself on the closest bed, holding the file on my lap. I wasn't ready to open it. So I looked at the plain cover. It had a "confidential" stamp, in bold red letters, spelt out across the vanilla cardboard. I grew accustomed to its mark after seeing it on countless files exchanged in the Science and Research Department. I felt as though this time were different. I was no longer working for Shin Ra and now I had my hands on some very compromising information. I shook off the feeling soon enough though. It was clearly a product of heavy indoctrination.

I flipped open the file to the first page. It was a file on the Temple of the Ancients. The general information page was written by Gast back when he was excavating the island almost forty-five years ago. There was little known about the area only that it spurred him to continue looking elsewhere for the information he sought, with his trusted companion Ifalna. But that was all data that could have been found anywhere. I had his published diary of his travels, the one that was banned from publication after he defected. However, it was the pages that followed that interested me greatly. There was one with my photo stapled to the corner. It was a hideously old photograph; one when I was a young orphan, just recently admitted to the Shin Ra labs. I was wearing a drably old tunic and was instructed to stand still by a white wall. It was also my I.D. photograph until I started school. I took the photograph and crumpled it in a tightly wound fist. I was certain no one would miss it.

I continued reading down the page. I winced reflexively at the scientific language used to describe child abuse. I quickly skimmed through the page looking for anything that pique my interest and turned to another page. It was there that I found a data set. I slowed down my pace. It was torturous, a practice in self-flagellation but there was something particular about why that data would be left in a file about the Temple of the Ancients, something Reno was warning me about. I wondered at what point one accepts clear wrongdoings. Who was I to say anything? I had done my fair share while working for Shin Ra.

I was intent on exposing this mystery. What was my connection to the Temple? I deserved to know. There was a part of childhood, best left untouched, that screamed for recognition. For years I had suppressed that memory just so that I could function with the high cognitive dissonance that occurred on a daily basis. They studied what seemed like and was an anomaly: an extensive tattoo on a young child's back. I couldn't understand why they would ask me to take off my shirt at all hours of the day, their cold dry hand poking at my glass-like skin. It was nothing exciting back home. My mother, I would tell them, had given it to me. That snapped up their attention. She was distantly related to a Cetran, they deduced. But when it came to light that my tattoo meant nothing to them and that my heritage was so distantly linked to the Cetrans that it meant nothing, I was left to the wayside. Now it appears as though that they simply lost leads rather than interest; being blocked from entering the Temple. It was surprising how I was somehow related to the Temple, and the treasure it held, through the markings I bore on my back. The ultimate black magic, the Black Materia…

I reached up to my back. "He was trying to warn me," I muttered to myself, "that I may be of interest."

The door slammed open. Through the minimum light illuminating the hall, Kathe's face appeared blanched.

"I saw the TURKs," she said, winded.

"I know," I started. "I saw them too."

"We need to get the fuck out of here!" She shrilled, kneeling down to one of our bags.

I raised my hand, stopping her. "They're not interested in us. They were in the area and gave us some info."

"What? What does that even mean?" Jofrey babbled, looking to both of us for answers he knew would leave him more in the dark than where he started.

"I saw the TURKs and they aren't pursuing us, Kathe," I insisted. "They warned me about Hojo," I lied. "So long as we don't step on his toes, I think we're in the clear."

"What does that even mean?!" Jofrey exclaimed, profusely aggravated.

"It means that we're not who we say we are." I explained.

"I gathered that much! Who the fuck do you think I am? An idiot? You think I didn't smell something foul off of you two."

"It's none of your damned business," Kathe shouted.

"None of my-! Are you kidding me? I went through hell protecting you two and you say it's none of my business? You're really something, Kathelyn." I never heard him use her full name before. It was jarring.

"We're scientists. Well, were."

"Helena-!" Kathe grumbled through gritted teeth. It was more of a warning than anything. But we were caught and it meant nothing now to hide our less than gilded past.

"We were scientists working for the Shin Ra Corporation until they institutionalized me for, should I say: going against their wishes. It was Hojo that did it and it's Hojo that we should be concerned about."

"We? We?" He stammered. "No, there's no we. You too are totally nuts if you think you're dragging me along for this ride."

"You have to understand," Kathe spoke up, "we wouldn't have asked for your help if we didn't need it."

"No, it seems like you definitely need some help. And I wish you two the best of luck."

He bent over to grab his pack and threw it over his shoulder. He turned half way, his eyes laden with disappointment, and looked at me one last time before turning to meet the door. I felt as though I should say something. It seemed as though he took our lies for granted and now he was paying the price. I wasn't certain what he wanted to hear from me or, for that matter, what needed to be said in these circumstances. Should I tell him of how torturous my life was since my parents' death? Should I explain to him how I managed to survive in Shin Ra by the skin of my teeth? Should I tell him of how I know I deserve to live a life without fear and regret? It was a shame, I thought to myself, just another person in and out of my life.

"You can't leave!" Kathe blurted as he turned the door handle. At first I thought it wouldn't work but somehow he stopped; it was just want he wanted to hear, I guess. "I can't do this alone. You can't leave us here! We need you. Helena needs you. I have no chance in hell of protecting her alone. She… she deserves to be protected for once in her life."

His hand twisted the doorknob, pulling it ajar. He shot me one last glare; his brown eyes reflecting the one lone light in the bedroom. I knew he meant to say something and so did I. I honestly felt foolish for it all; I knew I shouldn't have cared, not in the sense that I did. He was a kind man and I counted these kind men in my life as if they were rarities. Though, it was true, I used these men like shields. Genesis and Angeal shielded me from a whole host of situations, and I preyed on their kindness. Was Jofrey no different? I needed someone to protect me from a world I knew very little about, breaking up the emotional tension that arose between my sister and I. If I was just as interchangeable as the rest, then certainly another Jofrey would come along.

"Let him go, Kathe. We'll find another."

She raised a hand in protest but he had already left. Kathe turned to me, a look of desperation in her eyes. I knew that she feared what would come ahead, and yet I felt fearless, for once. I had to remind myself how poorly this ended for us. It could have very well have been my keen eye for silver linings picking up on a faint glimmer. But this was bad. We had no means of traveling out of Gold Saucer. We had no means of protecting ourselves. And now we had a man that could easily run into Shin Ra's arms and divulge our location for the fun of it. We needed to make the best of this situation. We needed to press forward. I had to trust that Jofrey wasn't the type to hold grudges or work with Shin Ra simply for money's sake.

Kathe sat next to me, exasperated. "We need to leave as soon as possible."

"Yes," I was in complete agreement and I trusted her judgement; my life was in her hands.

"You should rest up. I'll scout the area. Make sure the TURKs have gone."

"I don't think they're around but if it makes you happy."

"It does." She slapped her hands on her lap, using the dispersal of energy to get herself up from the bed. "Keep the door locked. I'll unlock it to get in. Try to sleep some." She twirled a wayward lock around her long index finger and placed it behind my ear.

"I'll try."

She walked out, locking the door behind her. I decided it was best to take her advice and at least try and get some rest. I needed to be more coherent than usual. It displeased me a great deal to have to encounter my nightly enemy but some rest was better than none. So I turned down the sheets and flicked off my boots at the heel, throwing them somewhere at the foot of the bed. I climbed into the silky mess and pulled the chain to the lamp, extinguishing the last source of light in the room. I shut my eyes as I wound the covers tightly around my neck and kicked my feet down the bed; it was going to be a long night.

As the night rolled around and Kathe had not returned, I fell asleep. I would have been surprised if it weren't for the fact that I was blissfully unaware of my current state. I found myself looking out a bay window, peering down a long field of blue-green grass. The sky was dark and murky. Large clouds casted long shadows on the endless fields, as some sunlight attempted to peer through. I was so captivated by the sight unfolding - a sight I had neglected for some time now – that I cared little about how I got there and even begun to forget what awaited me beyond those fields of grass bending to the will of the bellowing wind. But it was clear that I was dreaming. I would not be here if I wasn't.

I leaned into the window sill; a burnt structure in the distance caught my eye. I tried to make out the shape of it but it was so disfigured by an unseen fire thand only planks of discarded wood remained. Somehow I recognized it, as if I had known it in its wholesome state. Something about the mangled building left me with a feeling of despair like a heavy black veil were draped over me.

"I think it might rain."

I turned around and smiled. "Never thought I would see you here, Genesis." Though I had little understanding of what here was or meant.

"I thought I should say hello." He paused for a moment, smiling that devilish grin of his. "Hello, Helena."

I walked up to him and sat on the quilted bed. There was a small glass figurine of a ballerina standing on the nightstand that I took in my hands. It was familiar.

"That's nice," he commented.

"Yes." I handed him the delicate creature. "It's a ballerina. I always wanted to become a ballerina. But, well, I don't have the figure."

"Who gave it to you?"

Was it something gifted to me? "I can't remember anymore."

He gently rolled it in his large yet soft hand. "You have a lot of these figurines here." Suddenly as if a light were illuminated in the room, tiny little figurines twinkled into consciousness.

"Yes. Most of them are mine."

"They're all quite lovely, Helena." He turned his attention back to me, "you look well."

"So do you… are you happy?"

"Hmm? I'm not sure how to answer that."

"I miss you, Genesis," I blurted impatiently. "Why did you leave? You son of a bitch! You left me here alone! All alone…,"I grabbed hold of the blankets in a vice grip as tears welled up onto my precipice of my cheek bones. "Why does everyone have to leave?""

"You poor thing," he soothed, tossing the figurine to the floor. The thin fragile piece of porcelain landed on the ground with a soft tink before resting on the floor. "You think you deserve these people in your life after everything you've done? Helena, don't be foolish. You're a monster. What you've done behind Shin Ra's closed doors makes you no different than the rest of them."

"I only did what they asked me to do!"

"And you think that excuses you? Do you think that makes you more pure than Hollander? You must think so with the way you carry on."

"No. No… Stop this, Genesis. Please."

"Why? Look at what you've done. Look at everything you've created. Everything was for naught. They even locked you away like the madwoman you are."

"Stop!" I cried.

I rushed to the floor, picking the figurine to the floor, profusely apologizing to its alabaster face. "I never meant for any of this to happen. You have to believe me. I only wanted to keep you close. It was a mistake. A poor, misguided attempt at trying to be what they wanted. I just wanted to survive. No... I wanted more than that." But when I did not hear a response, I turned to see that Genesis was not sitting on the bed. He was instead replaced with an imposter.

"Y…you." He seemed so familiar and yet his eyes told of a more disturbing past.

"It must be tiring to cling to a life that wants nothing more than to see you crash and burn," the imposter said, glaring eyes baring down on me. "Shame to see you groveling on the floor already; I was expecting to have to break you before I would have the pleasure."

"Shut up!"

"Can't seem to handle a bit of truth, Helena?" He smiled, a twisted smirk; he looked nothing like the man I once remembered. Only a twisted reminder of what once was, I suppose.

He stood from the bed as I quickly scuttled to one side of the room. I was uncertain of his current motifs and any movements on his end quite literally scared the hell out of me. He chuckled: a thick, menacing sound emanating from chest. I pushed myself from the ground, unsure of where to place myself. He wasn't the man I knew; I could tell that clearly in the way he was standing, hovering over me but he seemed so much like him. Each strand of silk that curled behind his ear reminded me of a much simpler childhood, when a young girl would have his broad shoulders to lean on.

"Where… where did you go?" I asked finally, clutching the figurine to my chest for moral support. "I waited for you. For all of you. None of you came. I was all alone."

"Yes," his lips curled into a cruel leer, "always alone. Was it all worth it? Selling your soul to Shin Ra to find yourself desperate and alone?" He took a long stride forward, head slightly tilted to the side as if he could study me better at that angle. "You look ill."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Hmm," he exhaled. "I wanted to see what became of you. Do you think that you can hide what you've done?" An outstretched hand pulled a wayward strand of blonde hair into his leathery palm.

I ripped my head away. "Go to hell. You have no right."

His spine snapped upwards. "I have every right."

"You killed Shinra, didn't you?" I had to know. I needed to give some attention to the nagging questions that lingered in the back of my mind. I needed to know.

"Yes," he sneered maliciously, adjusting the cuff of his gloves, "I did. I did what you could only dream of."

"You're sick," I spat.

He seemed to take that as my particular sense of humour and laughed. "So lost in your own illusion."

I took that as a challenge and continued to press, "why the Temple of the Ancients?"

"That's where I will find the answer to the Planet's calls. I must become what this Planet needs."

"And what's that?"

"A god."

I laughed, tears pooling in the corners of my eyes. "You're fucking crazy! You're completely mad."

It happened all too quickly. His hands reached up to my neck and picked me off my feet. He swung me over and we both landed on the bed, the mattress lifting up and landed back down hard. I released the figurine, desperately pounding at his chest for release. He moved his knee up onto the bed, cracking the figurine in half. With his full weight, he pushed into my neck, eyes locked into mine.

"Fight me," he dared. "You can't because you know that it would be like fighting yourself. We're too much alike, you and I."

"I'm not like you," I spat. "I'll never be like you, Sephiroth."

I reached up for his bare chest, scratching it with both hands. But nothing seemed to move him. If anything it made him earnestly press into my windpipe, cutting the little airflow that managed to trickle in. I tried twisting away but he was far too heavy.

"You see, Helena, look at how weak you are. Even if you wanted to, you have no way of fighting me. No one does. That's why you chose not to tell your sister. You're frightened," he leaned in, hot air wafting on my earlobe, as he whispered, "that they'll leave you, just like the rest of them."

Stricken by a fear deeper than I could comprehend, a fight manifested itself in me. I tore myself from side to side, slapping my hands across his face and chest until he had lost patience. I had only once felt such force in a grip before; one that could crack a jaw upward without a thought. I could hear my ears pop as the air was sucked out of my lungs. I could feel the tiny little cartilages in my cervical bones slip as he dug his fingertips inward. I cried out, a pathetic breath of a cry, before I closed my eyes.

Moving in one last time, I could feel his nose brushing into my hair. And he whispered something: "wake up."

I woke with a horrid raspy whimper. Sweat had pooled onto the collar of my sweater; I forgot to take it off before going down for my rest. I was so hot and uncomfortable; I tore off my sweater and threw it over the side of the bed. That's when I noticed Kathe was peacefully sleeping beside me. She was curled up into her pillow, her hair damp from a shower she must have taken before climbing in. I sat up and watched as her cheeks puffed up with every exhale. I wondered for how long we would be able to keep this up. Were we fools to assume so much of us? I wanted to wake her and have her tell me that everything was going to be alright –a need I had long suppressed –but I decided that she needed the sleep much more than I did.

The door lock clicked. Worriedly, I went for Kathe's hand but noticed that it was Jofrey. "What the hell are you doing here?" I mumbled.

"I never gave in the extra key," he revealed, "I don't know why I did that."

"If you want your money –."

"No," he said, "I'm not here for the money."

He came up to the bed, dropping the bag he was carrying over his shoulder to the ground with a soft thud. He sat at the corner of my bed, uncertain of how to continue on. I think that was an issue for him; he was always a man who knew what to say, even if it shouldn't be said. He was never speechless. He braved every conversation with a certain air of confidence that naturally attracted people to him. And to have betrayed such a man was certainly a testament to my credentials as both a conversationalist and a decent human being.

"I'm sorry." I reached up to lightly touch his shoulder, only my index brushing up against the tip of his shoulder.

He shrugged dismissively. "I've been through worse, honestly. And even with all of that, I just couldn't do it; I couldn't leave."

"Why?"

"I figure, anyone going to the lengths that you're going to would have a decent reason. And I'm not an idiot. I know what Shin Ra does."

"You don't need to stay on my account."

"No, I don't," he affirmed. "But I know I can't live with myself, you know?"

I looked over to Kathe who was now muttering something into the pillow. It was clear that she was completely oblivious to the world. I wondered what she was dreaming this time. "I know Kathe will be grateful."

"I know you love her."

"I do," I responded quizzically.

He smiled warmly. "I can tell something was off with you two from the moment we met. Call it intuition or call it experience."

He paused, reaching down to his boots, untying them. I waited patiently, expecting him to go on. It was always the case: people tended to open up to me with little provocation, whether I wanted it or not. It became easy to do my job. You can't possibly collect accurate psychological data without tearing down some defenses, and that came naturally to me. Jofrey seemed as though he was an inviting individual, but that only hid layers of him that he didn't wish others to see.

"I have siblings back home; a brother and a sister. For the longest time it was tough, you know, after my mom died. And my dad just wasn't the same anymore. I idolized my brother. He was my hero. He went off to Wutai in the first batch. But, uh, never came back."

"Did he…?"

"Die? No. He went MIA. I was working on the Junon docks in the navy when it happened. I lost everything." He reached down for his boot and struggled for a moment before turning up triumphant. He looked back to me, "I hated him for everything he did to us. I still hate him. I don't think I'll ever forgive him."

"Understandable."

"But there's a difference between Kathe and my brother."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"He's gods knows where, doing whatever the fuck he very well pleases. He doesn't give a shit about what our family had to go through. But Kathe… Well, at least, she's here, trying. I think that must count for something."

I nodded. "You're right. You're completely right."

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